How to Get a Cat to Like You

Ever wonder how to befriend a cat who seems less than interested in bonding? Maybe you adopted a kitten hoping for a cuddly companion, but your new furball isn’t quite the snuggly type. While we all want our pets to show us the same love we give them, building that connection can take some patience. Luckily, our expert pet behaviorist, Dr. Annie, is here to help. In her popular TikTok video, "Top 10 Tips on How to Befriend a Cat", she shares practical advice for decoding your cat’s signals, strengthening your bond, and helping your feline friend feel more comfortable and understood.

Dr. Annie’s Tips on How to Befriend a Cat

Dr. Annie shares several tips in her TikTok video that can help strengthen the bond and improve the relationship with any kitty.

Tip 1: Ignore the Cat

Cats are naturally mesopredators, meaning they can be predators or prey. As a result, they may feel overwhelmed or stressed by excessive attention from humans, whom they might perceive as a threat. They are typically wary of being constantly chased, stared at, or petted, especially if they’re not in the mood for interaction. By giving them the space they need, you help them feel more in control and less anxious, which can ultimately build trust between you and your kitty. 

A helpful strategy to implement is the "invisible spot" rule. This means if your cat is resting in their bed or curled up in their favorite spot in the house, you should avoid engaging with them. Instead of trying to pet them or disturb their peaceful moment, pretend they are invisible. This gives your cat the space to relax and feel secure in their environment without feeling pressured to interact. 

Respecting their personal space in this way can lead to more positive and voluntary interactions over time, as your kitty will come to trust that you understand their boundaries and won't invade them.

Tip 2: Slow Blink

If you do happen to make eye contact with a cat you're trying to befriend, it’s important to remember that direct staring can sometimes be perceived as a threat in the feline world. To ease any tension and communicate that you’re not a danger try slow blinking. By slow blinking at your cat, especially if they are a shy cat, you're giving a clear sign that you mean no harm and that the cat can feel safe and comfortable with you. 

To perform the slow blink, simply look at your cat and slowly close your eyes, then reopen them in a relaxed, deliberate manner. You can repeat this a few times to signal to your kitty that you mean no harm. Cats often respond to slow blinking by reciprocating the gesture, which can strengthen your bond and foster a sense of calm between you. This subtle form of communication builds mutual understanding and lets your cat know you're not a threat, creating a more positive, trusting relationship over time.

Tip 3: Let the Cat Learn About You Through Scent

Letting your cat get to know you through scent is an important step in building trust and strengthening your bond. Cats rely heavily on their sense of smell to understand their surroundings and the creatures around them. Their sense of smell is far more powerful than ours, and it plays a huge role in how they perceive the world. By offering your cat the opportunity to learn about you through scent, you allow them to feel more comfortable and familiar with your presence. 

To do this, gently hold out your finger or an object that carries your scent, such as a worn item of clothing or a small personal item like a watch or keychain. Allow the cat to sniff at it, but don’t rush them or try to force any interaction. It’s important to stay still and calm during this process, as sudden movements or attempts to pet them might make your cat feel uneasy or threatened. 

Also, avoid making direct eye contact during this moment. In the feline world, as mentioned above, eye contact can be interpreted as a threat. Instead, keep your gaze relaxed and allow the cat to approach you at their own pace. By offering your scent in a nonthreatening manner, you're showing your cat that you're not a danger and giving them the space to explore and familiarize themselves with you on their own terms. Over time, this helps your cat feel more secure around you and increases the likelihood of positive interactions in the future.

Tip 4: Be the Source of All Good Things

Being the source of all good things – such as food, treats, play, and brushing – can greatly enhance your relationship with your cat by creating positive associations. Cats thrive on routine and positive experiences, and when they begin to associate you with pleasure and care, it helps build trust and affection over time. 

Start by offering your cat their favorite food or treats, ensuring that every meal or snack becomes a moment of connection between you both. Cats can be very food-oriented, so providing them with something tasty can make them feel more comfortable around you. When they begin to associate you with their favorite treats, they’ll start to see you as a positive presence in their life. 

Playtime is another powerful way to build trust. Use interactive toys, such as wands or kicker toys, to engage their natural hunting instincts. This not only provides them with physical exercise and mental stimulation but also creates an opportunity for bonding through fun. When playtime is enjoyable and engaging, your cat will look forward to being with you and these playful moments will deepen your connection. 

Brushing is also a great way to show care and attention, especially for long-haired cats. Many cats enjoy being brushed, as it mimics the grooming behaviors they would engage in with other cats. By brushing your cat gently, you’re not only helping to keep them clean but also creating a bonding experience that fosters a sense of relaxation and comfort. It’s a calm, soothing activity that signals to your cat that you care for their well-being. 

By consistently being the provider of positive experiences – whether through food, treats, play, grooming, or more – you create an environment where your cat feels safe, valued, and loved. Over time, these positive associations help to strengthen your relationship and deepen the trust between you and your feline companion.

Tip 5: Play More with Your Cat

As mentioned above, playing with your cat is one of the most effective ways to strengthen your bond and deepen your connection. Regular, interactive play not only provides physical exercise and mental stimulation for your cat but also creates opportunities for you to engage in positive, enjoyable interactions. Cats have a natural hunting instinct, and play helps them satisfy this need, so incorporating play into your routine can be beneficial for both of you. 

The key to successful play is consistency. Cats thrive on routine, and regular, predictable play sessions can help your cat feel more secure in their environment. If you make playtime a part of your daily schedule, your cat will begin to anticipate these sessions and look forward to them. This regularity builds trust and helps your cat feel more comfortable with you, knowing that playtime is a reliable, positive part of their day. 

Interactive toys, such as wands, kicker toys, or balls, are excellent choices for engaging your cat in active play. These toys mimic prey and tap into your cat’s natural hunting instincts. Be sure to vary the types of toys and movement you use to keep things exciting and always allow your cat to "catch" the prey occasionally, especially at the end, as this can help them feel more fulfilled. To add even more enjoyment to their “successful catch,” you can always give them a treat or meal afterwards to mimic their natural hunting sequence. 

In addition to the physical benefits, playtime also promotes bonding by encouraging positive interactions between you and your cat. It’s a time when you can be present, playful, and focused on each other, creating moments of joy that help solidify your relationship. Cats often respond to playtime by becoming more affectionate, and this mutual enjoyment reinforces the connection between you. 

Remember, playtime doesn’t need to be long, but it should be engaging and enjoyable. Even just 10-15 minutes of active play, once or twice a day, can have a huge impact on your relationship with your cat. Over time, these sessions will not only help your cat stay physically and mentally fit but also foster a stronger emotional bond between you both.

Tip 6: Schedule Daily Bonding Time

Scheduling daily bonding time with your cat is a wonderful way to nurture your relationship and create a sense of security and routine. Just like humans, cats thrive on consistency and knowing what to expect. Setting aside time each day, whether it's speaking gently to them, reading a book next to them, or enjoying lap time, can go a long way in helping your cat feel safe, loved, and connected to you. 

Cats appreciate routines, and setting a consistent time each day for bonding helps your cat understand that they can rely on this special connection. Whether it's first thing in the morning, during lunch, or right before bed, try to make bonding time a regular part of your day. The predictability of this time will make your cat feel more secure and eager to engage with you. 

Speaking gently to your cat can be a great way to bond without overwhelming them. Use a calm, soft voice when talking to your cat, as they may not always understand the words but will certainly recognize the warmth and affection in your tone. Whether you're chatting with them or simply talking about your day, your cat will appreciate your presence and the soothing sound of your voice. 

Cats often enjoy the quiet companionship of sitting near you, especially when you’re engaged in a calm activity like reading. Sitting next to them with a book, magazine, or even your phone can offer a sense of connection without demanding their attention. It’s a nonintrusive way to spend time together while allowing your cat to relax and observe you. Over time, your cat will associate this peaceful time with you as a comforting routine. 

If your cat enjoys being on your lap, this can be an incredible bonding experience. Lap time gives your cat physical closeness and reassurance, and it also allows for moments of gentle petting or grooming. Even if your cat isn’t initially inclined to sit on your lap, you can encourage this by sitting in a quiet, comfortable spot and patiently waiting for them to come to you. Many cats find lap time relaxing, and this form of physical contact can significantly strengthen your bond. 

Aim for at least 5 to 15 minutes of dedicated bonding time each day, but don’t be discouraged if you can’t always go longer. Cats, especially those with shorter attention spans, may only need a brief session, while others may happily enjoy longer interactions. If your schedule allows, you can extend this time to 20 to 30 minutes or longer, especially if your cat enjoys being around you. The key is to keep the experience positive, relaxed, and enjoyable, ensuring that both you and your cat look forward to it each day. 

Over time, this regular bonding time will help your cat feel more connected to you and will deepen the emotional bond between you both. It’s not about the quantity of time, but the quality of the interaction. By consistently showing up for your cat in these small yet meaningful ways, you build trust, affection, and a deeper sense of companionship.

Tip 7: Learn Where Your Cat Likes to Be Petted

Learning where your cat likes to be petted is an essential part of building a trusting and positive relationship. Just like humans, cats have preferences when it comes to physical touch, and understanding these preferences can help you avoid overstimulating or making your cat uncomfortable.  

Most cats enjoy being petted in specific areas, such as the cheeks, chin, and neck. These areas are often easier for your cat to accept because they are places cats naturally groom themselves and one another, so they may feel more comfortable with touch there. Gently petting these areas can help create a calming, affectionate connection between you and your cat. They may even purr or nuzzle in response, indicating that they are enjoying the interaction. This is merely one way to pet a cat correctly. 

On the other hand, certain areas of the body, such as the back and tail, can be more sensitive for many kitties. While some cats enjoy having their backs scratched or stroked, others might find it overstimulating or uncomfortable. The tail, in particular, is a sensitive area for many cats, and they may not appreciate being touched there, as it is a highly expressive part of their body. Be cautious when attempting to pet these areas, as cats can become defensive or agitated if they feel their personal space is being invaded. 

A great way to learn what your cat likes is to let them guide you. When you approach your cat for petting, present your hand slowly and let them choose which part of their body they want to rub against it. Cats often rub their heads, faces, or bodies against your hand to signal areas they enjoy having touched. Pay attention to these cues, as they will help you figure out which spots your cat is most comfortable with. If they push their face into your hand or nuzzle you, it's a sign that they're open to more affection in those areas. 

By allowing your cat to guide the interaction, you respect their boundaries and give them control over the experience. This not only helps you avoid overstimulating your cat but also builds trust, as they’ll learn that you listen to their signals and prioritize their comfort. Over time, as you observe your cat's reactions to different types of touch, you'll be able to develop a better understanding of how they like to be petted, creating a more relaxed and enjoyable bond.

Tip 8: Check in Frequently When Petting

When petting your cat, it’s important to check in frequently to ensure they remain comfortable and relaxed. Cats are highly sensitive to touch, and their tolerance for petting can change quickly depending on their mood or how much stimulation they’ve received. By pausing periodically during petting sessions, you allow your cat to communicate their comfort level, helping to avoid overstimulation or frustration. 

A few seconds of petting followed by a quick pause is a simple but effective technique. When you begin petting, watch your cat’s body language closely. Are they purring, leaning into your hand, or even kneading? These are signs of a happy cat and positive signals that they’re enjoying the attention. However, it’s essential to remain alert to subtle shifts in their behavior. If you notice your cat starting to twitch their tail, flatten their ears, or tense their body, it could be a sign that they’re starting to feel overstimulated or irritated. 

During your pause, give your cat a moment to assess the situation. Some cats may pause or nudge your hand to let you know they’re ready for more petting, while others may move away or even swat if they’ve had enough. Respect their boundaries by allowing them the choice to either continue the interaction or walk away if they need space. This kind of attentive check-in helps build trust because your cat will feel that you’re not pushing them into interactions they don’t want. 

Additionally, this approach helps create a more balanced and enjoyable experience for both of you. Instead of overwhelming your cat with continuous petting, you allow the interaction to be more like a conversation, where both you and your cat have equal input. Over time, your cat will learn to associate petting with positive, comfortable moments, as they’ll understand that you respect their limits and are attuned to their needs. 

By making regular pauses part of your petting routine, you can also foster a deeper understanding of your cat's unique preferences. Some cats enjoy longer petting sessions, while others might prefer shorter bursts of attention. By adjusting your approach to suit their comfort level, you create a more positive bonding experience that strengthens your relationship over time.

Tip 9: Watch Your Cat’s Body Language

Watching your cat’s body language is crucial for understanding their feelings and ensuring that your interactions remain positive and respectful. Cats communicate a lot through subtle shifts in their posture, movements, and facial expressions, so being attentive to these cues is key to maintaining a strong and trusting bond. If your cat doesn’t like something, it’s important to stop immediately to avoid making them feel uncomfortable, stressed, or fearful. 

There are several signs to look for when assessing your cat’s comfort level during interactions. For example, if your cat suddenly flicks or twitches their tail, it may indicate irritation or agitation. A stiff, rigid body or raised hackles (the fur along their back standing up) could be a sign that your cat is feeling threatened or uneasy. Additionally, if your cat flattens their ears against their head, it’s often a sign of displeasure or that they’re becoming overstimulated. When you see these signs, it’s important to immediately cease whatever action you’re doing, whether it’s petting, picking them up, or even approaching them too closely.  

Similarly, watch for more subtle body language cues, such as a change in their facial expression. If your cat’s eyes narrow or they show the whites of their eyes (a sign of distress), it’s a good indication that they’re not enjoying the interaction. Cats also communicate through their vocalizations. If your cat begins to growl, hiss, or even make sharp, quick meows, it’s a clear signal that they want you to stop what you’re doing and give them space. 

By respecting your cat’s body language and stopping immediately when they show signs of discomfort, you demonstrate that you’re attuned to their needs and willing to honor their boundaries. This helps build trust and ensures that your interactions remain positive. When cats feel that their signals are understood and respected, they are more likely to engage with you willingly in the future. 

Stopping at the first sign of discomfort also prevents your cat from becoming more stressed or defensive, which could lead to behaviors like scratching, biting, or fleeing. It’s much easier to foster a healthy, enjoyable bond by staying aware of your cat’s body language and making sure that they feel safe and respected during your time together. Over time, your cat will learn to feel secure in your presence, knowing that you will always respond to their cues and never push them beyond their comfort zone.

Tip 10: Adjust Your Expectations

Adjusting your expectations when it comes to your cat’s preferences is a key part of building a positive and trusting relationship. Not all cats are naturally inclined to be cuddle lovers, and that’s perfectly okay. Each cat has their own unique personality, and just as some people enjoy constant affection, others might prefer more space and independence. Understanding and respecting your cat’s preferred way of bonding will ensure that your interactions are enjoyable for both of you, and over time, your bond will deepen. 

Cats are individuals, and they experience affection in different ways. While some cats may happily curl up in your lap for hours, others might be more distant, preferring short bursts of attention or simply being near you in the same room. It’s important not to force your cat into situations where they feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed, such as trying to cuddle them when they clearly want space. Forcing affection can lead to stress, anxiety, or even defensive behaviors, like biting or scratching. 

Instead, try to understand what your cat enjoys and how they prefer to connect with you. Some cats may love sitting beside you or resting in the same area without needing constant petting or touching. Others may enjoy playtime or sitting near you while you read or work. Cats also often express affection by following you from room to room, rubbing against your legs, or even bringing you “gifts” like a toy or an object they’ve claimed as their own. These subtle gestures are their way of bonding, and it’s important to acknowledge and appreciate these moments. 

If your cat isn’t a cuddler, try other ways of showing affection that align with their preferences. This could mean engaging in interactive play, offering them treats, or simply being present in a calm and relaxed manner. You might also find that your cat has their own version of “cuddling,” such as sitting next to you or resting near your feet. This can be just as meaningful, even if it’s not the traditional lap cuddle many people associate with bonding. 

Respecting your cat’s personal boundaries and adjusting your expectations ensures that you foster a sense of safety and trust. When your cat feels like they can approach you on their own terms, they are more likely to open up to affection over time, even if it’s not in the form of cuddling. By paying attention to their body language and behavior, you’ll get a clearer picture of how they prefer to engage with you. This understanding will lead to a deeper, more fulfilling bond built on mutual respect and affection. 

In the end, the key is to give your cat the freedom to be themselves and show love in their own way. When you respect their boundaries and preferences, they’ll be more likely to appreciate and trust you, and your bond will grow stronger with each passing day.

How to Befriend a Cat

To make Dr. Annie's tips easier to digest, we've created an infographic showcasing her "Top 10 Tips on How to Befriend a Cat." Check it out below for practical advice and insights straight from our pet behaviorist!

Why Should You Befriend Your Cat?

One of the most effective ways to build a stronger bond with your cat is by creating an environment where they feel safe, secure, and comfortable with you. Cats are naturally cautious creatures, and when they sense that they can trust you, their behavior will often improve. If your cat is displaying behavioral issues such as hiding, aggression, or scratching, establishing a positive connection can help reduce these behaviors over time. Understanding your cat’s unique personality and needs, and giving them the space to feel relaxed, is key. By consistently showing patience, offering reassurance, and providing engaging activities like play or gentle interactions, you can foster a deeper sense of security. Ultimately, the more time and effort you invest in building trust, the more your cat will feel at ease in their home, leading to a healthier, happier relationship.

Signs Your Cat is Beginning to Trust You

As your cat begins to open up and trust you more, you'll notice them starting to spend more time in your presence. This is a significant sign that they feel safe and comfortable around you.

You may also notice your cat following you around the house, a subtle but telling sign that they want to be near you and enjoy your company. Another common cat behavior is rubbing up against you, your furniture, or your belongings, marking everything with their scent. This is a way for your cat to claim their territory and further bond with you. They might even bring you gifts, such as their toys, to show their affection towards you.

The most heartwarming sign of all is when your cat finally decides to jump into your lap, curling up for cuddles and affection. This moment is especially rewarding for cat owners who longed for a snuggly, loving companion. While every cat is different and may take their own time to open up, these behaviors indicate that your cat has begun to trust you fully and is ready to deepen the bond. It’s a process that takes patience, but the rewards of a loving, affectionate cat are well worth the effort.

As you see, understanding your pet’s behavior doesn’t have to be overwhelming. At Purina, we’re dedicated to providing resources and expert support to help pet parents every step of the way. Dr. Annie, in particular, offers valuable advice through her TikTok and Instagram (@annieknowsanimals), making it easier for pet owners to connect, learn, and build a deeper bond with their pets.

Who is Dr. Annie?

Dr. Annie Valuska brings more than two decades of expertise in animal behavior to her role as Principal Scientist on Purina’s Pet Behavior team, where she leverages her deep knowledge to help improve the lives of pets and their families. With a PhD in Animal Behavior from the University of California, Davis, and a rich history of research, including a Post-Doctoral fellowship at Disney’s Animal Kingdom, Dr. Annie’s journey has been anything but ordinary. Since joining Purina in 2013, she’s become a passionate advocate for pets, ensuring their needs are at the heart of everything Purina creates – from products to outreach efforts.

Her love for animals extends far beyond her professional role. Dr. Annie is an award-winning shelter volunteer, a board member, and a devoted pet mom to Arya, a rescued pit bull/shih tzu mix, and Jack, a black cat, both sharing her home in St. Louis, MO. When she’s not working, you can find Dr. Annie sharing her expertise and animal wisdom on TikTok and Instagram (@annieknowsanimals), or featured in podcasts, TV segments, and articles.

What Types of Topics Does Dr. Annie Usually Discuss?

Dr. Annie shares her expertise on a wide range of topics related to pet behavior and fostering healthy relationships between owners and their furry companions. Some of the engaging subjects she explores include:

• How to befriend a cat
• Tips for making your dog feel comfortable
• Why does my cat bite me?
• What exactly are the "zoomies"?
• Understanding different pet parenting styles
• How to tell when a dog is playing

These are just a few of the many topics Dr. Annie covers, offering insights on everything from animal behavior to strengthening your connection with your pet. Her content is rich with practical advice and fun pet wisdom, designed to help owners create stronger, more understanding bonds with their animal comrades.

For more expert tips on caring for your pet, explore our cat behavior articles and tips.